56. Panhunter Takes to the Woods

Could this be our least electrifying installment yet?

For those of you who subscribed after January 5, 2023, Panhunter is a periodic feature in which I help people find what cooking equipment—anything from a cutting board to a fridge—would be best for them. This time, it’s not just one thing needed, but almost an entire kitchen.

Two summers ago, my friend Jane somewhat impulsively bought what could only be described as a run-down, off-grid cottage near Combermere, Ontario. She quickly set about to turning it into somewhere that people (as opposed to large rodents) would come from as far as Toronto, a 3.5-hour drive away, to visit.

glencoe.cottage

A post shared by @glencoe.cottage

I say “quickly,” but as I have seen by following the cottage on Instagram, and as with all renovations, especially those in places where winter prevents any progress from being made, it has taken longer than expected. But it has been fun seeing Jane go from ripping out wall-to-wall carpet (in a cottage!) to undertaking major roof repairs, to somehow winning a two-storey bunkie. Jane also has one of the most killer thrifting eyes I have ever seen,¹ so you had better believe she’s been loading up on terrific pieces for when the cottage is ready for visitors.

I was content being a spectator to all of this until the end of August, when I got a message from Jane putting the Panhunter on the case.

“If one were to put together a minimalist chef’s kitchen what would you need? I want to pare down all the stuff at the cottage to the bare necessities. I threw out so much crap. Our kitchen area will be very small. Like tiny-house small. Mostly I think we will bbq or heat things on the wood stove in shoulder season. We’re getting a bar-size propane fridge to replace the big 80s one. We have a small propane stove. My concept is quality not quantity for folks who like to cook who may rent.”

I am, of course, someone who loves to cook and has almost always been disappointed by the quality of kitchenware at vacation rentals. It has gotten to the point that I bought myself a knife roll to bring with me on vacation, full of the things I know most places never have.

My knife roll, from left to right: paring knife, microplane grater, chef’s knife, rubber spatula, locking tongs without silcone tips, fish spatula, instant read thermometer, y-peeler, corkscrew, pepper mill, Ziploc bag of kosher salt that somehow has never gotten me questioned by the authorities.

I had only ever, for my own convenience, put together what I could carry. What would it be like to put a package together that could stay in one place? And couldn’t run on any power? It was a challenge the Panhunter had to accept.

Here’s what made my list:

Knives: Stainless steel for all of them. Don’t even think of carbon steel, which careless people will ruin the first time they cut an onion or garlic. Don’t consider serrated blades for anything but the bread knife.

• 8” Chef’s knife like this

• Paring knife like this

• Serrated/Bread knife—I have this one.

• Zwilling J.A. Henckels 4-Stage Pull Through Knife Sharpener. There’s no point in having a decent set of knives if they’re dull. Hand sharpening on whetstones gets the best results, but it’s not a skill most people have. Since an electric sharpener is out of the question, a pull-through sharpener like this one is probably the best option.²

Pots and Pans: Because you’re off-grid and won’t have a dishwasher, cast iron becomes a good option for some pieces; someone would have to be very determined to ruin its seasoning. You may have to do a little maintenance once or twice a year to make sure they’re at their best, but it’s a lot easier to take care of than most people think.

• 10-12” cast iron skillet. Just pick up a Lodge somewhere. If you know how to season it, you can pick one up for $30 or less at a thrift store. If you would rather not, you shouldn’t have to spend more than $50 for a pre-seasoned one.

• Cast iron Dutch oven. There are some (I have one of these) wherein the skillet acts as the lid, or an enameled one, which is more versatile since you can cook acidic things like red wine or tomatoes in it. Cooked on raw cast iron, they can take on a metallic taste and also ruin the pan’s seasoning.

For non-cast iron, the rule of thumb, adapted from Anthony Bourdain, is that any pot or pan you buy should be solid enough that, if bashed over someone’s head, the head sustains more damage than the pan.

• 8-10” nonstick skillet. The cheapest one you can find at HomeSense³ that’s solidly built. Nonstick coatings never, ever last, even when you baby them, so there’s no point in spending money here.

• 2-3 qt sauce pan. Solid, not nonstick. Something like this would work. You just want something that you could make a can of soup or a pack of KD in.

Sheet pans, because they are standard sizes, nest very well and are incredibly handy for carrying things out to the grill.

A half-sheet holding a quarter sheet and an eighth-sheet. And a small metal bowl that will be mentioned later.

Do not buy the flimsy, expensive cookie or baking sheets at a kitchen store that will warp the first time you use them. Go to a restaurant supply store or a cash-and-carry and buy the sturdy ones—they’re sometimes called “bun pans”—that are used in professional kitchens. In the short and long run, they will be cheaper.

• 2 x 1/2 sheet pans, 2 x 1/4 sheet pans, 2 x 1/8 sheet pans.

Other Cookware

• Buy nesting metal mixing bowls, but not a set with one of every single size. Get multiples of three sizes. Small ones that can hold an egg or two, medium ones that can hold a small salad or a few helpings of potatoes, and large ones that you can comfortably toss a salad in. Glass bowls will break, they’re heavy, and they take up more space. Though if you want a great look and don’t mind spending…

• Maybe a baking dish or two? Not essential. Again, here’s a good-looking spendy version. A good search could probably turn up much cheaper vintage versions.

• Colander, plus maybe a fine mesh strainer. This is not an either/or. It is no fun trying to drain spaghetti in a handheld strainer.

• Either a good box grater (this is hands down the best) or, at the very least, a microplane.

• Tongs with metal tips. The ones with silicone tips are useless for trying to pick anything up. I guess they exist so people don’t ruin their nonstick pans but, as mentioned above, it is the destiny of nonstick pans to get ruined.

• Flipper-style spatulas. One silicone for the nonstick.⁴ One large for the grill (get it at Value Village). Or possibly a large fish spatula, which is what I use on the grill. 

• Scraper-style silicone spatulas. One or two. Maybe one small, one big.

• Silicone whisk.⁵

• Good corkscrew. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had to figure out some way to open a wine bottle from an internet video. None of them work.

• Can opener.

• Y-Peeler (buy a set of 3 and replace as needed).

• Measuring spoons.

• Oxo plastic measuring cup (or two) (here, but easier and cheaper to pick up at Homesense).

• Cutting boards. Maybe a couple of sizes. Wood is best and could definitely suit the vibe of the cottage better. But many people are dumb and believe that wood boards are more dangerous than plastic ones. (They aren’t.) To keep any dummies from kvetching, I’d just opt for a few nice, decent ones.

• Oven mitts or, even better, welding gloves, especially if you have a charcoal grill.

Not essential, but nice

• Peppermill. The Pepper Cannon, which I love and often recommend, is overkill here. Also, people would steal it. Maybe this one instead, although it’s not very rustic looking.

• Fine mesh strainer. Again, not instead of a colander.

• Kettle. Jane says she has “a cool old enamel kettle.” I’m imagining something like this.

• Pour-over coffee filter/French press/Aeropress.

• Mortar and pestle. You don’t want people grinding their cumin in your antique coffee mill, do you?

• Mechanical timer. Sure, you’ve got one on your phone, but how off-grid is that?

• Whirley-pop popcorn popper. The single best way to make popcorn. It takes two minutes and almost every kernel pops. And what’s better at the cottage? AND you can get a used one at almost any thrift store of a small fraction of what they cost new.⁶

• Salad spinner. Begrudgingly included. I’m on Smitten Kitchen’s side that salad spinners are too ineffective for the space they take up. But some people like them. Go figure. Though this list is in no particular order, it’s last for a reason.

Can you think of anything I overlooked here? Curious to know what you pack to take on vacation just in case the kitchen is terrible. Or do you have a kitchen equipment conundrum you think the Panhunter might be able to solve? Let me know in the comments below.

What I’m Consuming…

• The Story of the Montreal Melon It was about three years ago when I first heard about the Montreal melon, a huge, supposedly sublime-tasting melon grown around the turn of the 20th century in Montreal’s NDG neighbourhood. I was momentarily curious, but with so little information, I didn’t think much more about it. This article about the campaign to revive what was once the most sought-after melon in the world has me interested again.

What’s on the Menu…

• BBQ Plum Sauce Last month I posted an Instagram story (Why aren’t you following me on Instagram?) about Eric Kim’s Grilled Pork Chops with BBQ Plum Sauce.

It might be easier to talk about the things this sauce doesn’t go with.

I mentioned that the plum sauce was so good that it could easily replace cranberry sauce for me at Thanksgiving. I am happy to report that the batch I brought to Thanksgiving was a hit. In fact, everything I’ve tried it on has been great—pork chops, brisket tacos, and turkey. It seems like an easy recipe to tweak to suit even more foods.

And Finally…

• Almost four years ago, in Plate Cleaner issue #2⁷, I laid out the case for why lentils rather than beans were my dried legume of choice, particularly for panic buying. And now look who’s singing much the same song? The same rag that in March pinched my idea about cabbage being the new cool vegetable. #influencer

1. If you don’t believe me, see for yourself here and here.

2. Don’t be fooled by those rolling sharpeners that are all over your social feeds right now. Like so many things promoted by influencers, they aren’t worth it.

3. Or HomeGoods in the States.

4. Seems contrary to the last point, I know. Tongs with silicone tips are useless. Silicone spatulas work just about or as well as metal spatulas, so there’s no downside, cooking-wise, to using one.

5. See footnote 3.

6. Also, get the original, not the stainless steel one that is twice as expensive and, because it takes longer to heat up, doesn’t work as well.

7. If you can find one in mint condition, it’s worth about $65,000, btw.