69. Anyone Who Ever Had a Heart
Big changes come to the cottage.
I’ve written before about the tradition some friends and I (and Beth, of course) have of going to the family cottage of one member of the group. The tradition started in 1999 and evolved as time went on. I think my first time going up was in 2002, making this year my 25th anniversary, minus a couple of years of COVID and one year when a trip to England and Scotland conflicted with the scheduled weekend.
Of course, over the span of a quarter century, life changes. There was a keg in the early years, I’m told. When I turned up on the scene, there were cases and cases of the cheapest beer we could find and cartons of cigarettes on the mantel. Now there are hard and non-hard seltzers and craft beer and very nice wine being stored in multiple YETI coolers.
Singles become couples. Couples get married and have children. Some couples uncouple. New faces arrive on the scene. Parents age and, well... Not exactly the “life finds a way,” that Jeff Goldblum was talking about, but life nonetheless.
This year’s visit was most likely the final one to this particular cottage. Our host’s parents had both passed away in recent years and he and his siblings made the difficult decision that it was time for the cottage to go on the market. The end of an era is always sad,1 but that didn’t mean the weekend had to be a somber one. Our host proposed that Saturday’s dinner, always the one with the most of us in attendance,2 should be a blowout potluck:
A large expensive piece of meat that isn't overly complicated to cook (i.e., a standing rib roast) and then everyone can contribute an element.
I immediately claimed appetizers because I have lots of experience making the most celebratory appetizer of all: the shrimp cocktail.3 I didn’t announce it in the group email4 because I thought it would be a fun surprise. And then another email arrived.5
(Paraphrasing) “My new partner is vegan.”
Ugh.
Let me be clear: I have absolutely nothing against vegans. If anything, I think they are taking one for the team. It’s a sacrifice that annoys some people and makes you the butt of their jokes and makes your life decidedly harder. So this won’t be the standard rant against vegans. It’s just that, after 27 years, the first vegan ever at the cottage had thrown a spanner into the works. How could I make it a blowout meal for everyone in attendance? The degree of difficulty had been upped.
I decided that the question I needed to answer was, “What is vegan and will taste good with cocktail sauce?” Because if I could figure out a vegan-friendly version of cocktail sauce (many of which call for anchovy-based Worcestershire sauce) I wouldn’t have top make two dips, which would save time and effort.
After a bit of searching online, I settled on a shrimp alternative: hearts of palm, which has the colouring and girth67 of a scallop. They’re typically packed in brine, which ups their oceanic factor. I figured I could up that even more by tossing the palm pieces in aonori, the flaked, dried seaweed that’s sprinkled on okonomiyaki, takoyaki, and yakisoba.
Although the preferred cooking method at the cottage is obviously the grill, I wanted even browning across the palm hearts’ entire surface rather than grill lines, so I opted for a nonstick8 pan on a stovetop to get even, scallop-like browning. Once a deep caramel colour emerged,9 I flipped them and let them go until they were equally browned.
The results were very good. As expected, the brininess and aonori lent an oceanic taste that worked with the tanginess of the tomatoes in the cocktail sauce and the zing of the horseradish. Was it just like a scallop? Of course not. But it was a genuinely tasty morsel to dunk in cocktail sauce.
The vegan was appreciative10 and mentioned that she does the same thing with king oyster mushrooms. I have also tried searing king oyster mushrooms the same way, but only on a grill. I decided I would try them on cast iron at home and show you how both are done.
There are very few ingredients to gather, although I had to hit two grocery stores to find whole hearts of palm. Aonori is usually only found at specifically Japanese grocery stores, though you might luck out at a more generally Asian store. Everything else is quite basic: king oyster mushrooms, salt, and an oil with a very high smoke point. (I chose grapeseed.)
Just like when searing scallops, it’s important for the mushrooms and especially for the hearts of palm to be as dry as possible. Moisture in the pan will prevent browning, as well as spattering hot oil all over your stove and counter.11 Once the hearts of palm are out of the jar, I immediately wrap them in a couple of layers of paper towel and let them sit for as long as possible. Then, after I’ve cut them into pieces the size of scallops, stand them on end on some paper towel to absorb the moisture from the now exposed centres and cover the top ends with another piece of paper towel.
Prepping the mushrooms is much more straightforward, square up the stem end and then trim into pieces the size of scallops. You will not need the caps for this, but I’m sure you can find another use for them.
All that’s left to do is get a cast iron pan ripping hot and wait until the oil starts to shimmer. Wanting to give the palm hearts as long as possible to dry, I started with the mushrooms. For all of its sneakiness, this is not a complicated recipe.12 Put a cut end of each mushroom down in the oil. After a few minutes, that end will have turned dark, caramel brown. Flip it to brown the other side. Remove when the second side is equally browned. Off the heat, I sprinkled them with a few pinches of Maldon salt.
It’s exactly the same procedure for the palm hearts, but I sprinkle them first with some aonori and then gently13 roll them in whatever loose flakes haven’t stuck yet. Brown one end. Flip. Remove.
I served the palm hearts with some Heinz-like chili sauce because I was out of cocktail sauce and I drizzled the mushrooms with some syrupy, umami-packed vegan soy concentrate I read about on Andrea Nguyen’s website. Each version does a different facet of the scallop version well. The sturdy king oyster mushrooms do a good job of capturing the meatiness of a well-seared scallop. And, as at the cottage, the hearts of palm tasted of the sea.
Why not have both? I certainly enjoyed eating all of them as soon as I was done taking photos of them. The variety and contrast kept it interesting, especially since I had only finished eating dinner about an hour before.
What I’m consuming…
Kareen Rahma hails a New York City cab, gets in, and tells the cabbie, “Take me to your favourite place and Keep The Meter Running.”
What follows next is up to the cabbie. A Russian bathhouse? Bowling? A Cuban nightclub? There’s often food involved. But whatever they choose, the fare never stops going up. And, along the way, Rahma gets to know the stories of the drivers who, to so many of their riders, are just the back of a head.14 Keep the Meter Running fills in the rest of the picture. It is far and away the show I’ve found that most closely matches the energy of Anthony Bourdain’s shows, particularly his later ones, where he turned his gaze onto the greater world. Rahma is able to find the story and the humanity of each situation in the very cool but also kind of nerdy way that Bourdain did. Rahma, who you may recognize from his now Emmy-nominated content series, “Subway Takes” started LTMR as a much less polished series of Instagram Reels. The YouTube version has production values that are higher and each episode is clearly not a completely random encounter, but the fit and finish haven’t affected the show’s heart.
What’s on the menu…?
I have five or six king oyster mushrooms left over and Beth is away in Europe for the next eight days, so something with king oyster mushrooms, I guess? When the smoke from the wildfires in Northern Ontario dies down, I may put them on the grill. These, perhaps?
A lot of other vegetables! With summer in full swing, the baskets we receive every week from our CSA15 at Wheelbarrow Farm are massive. The last one, which I picked up the day Beth left for Europe included two zucchinis; sugar snap peas; a fennel bulb; two spring onions; two heads of garlic; huge bunches of Swiss chard, kale, broccolini, and basil; and one head each of lettuce, cabbage, and radicchio.
And there are still things left from the previous basket! Fortunately, everything is so fresh that even delicate greens last far longer than ones bought at the supermarket. I cannot recommend signing up for next year highly enough.
Special Bonus Non-Newsletter Content That I Added After Hitting “Send”
My favourite version of the song this episode is named for is Shelby Lynne’s, from Just a Little Lovin’, her 2008 Dusty Springfield tribute album.
Don’t get me wrong; Dionne Warwick’s original is incredible. This one just hits for me.
OK, maybe not the Ceausescu era or the Mussolini era, but you know what I’m talking about. Taylor Swift-style eras.
In the early years, everyone stayed for many days and nights. Now there’s a lot more “My new job’s a hassle and the kids have the flu” shortened visits.
My birthday in 2020, April 8th, which was supposed to be a buyout at Edulis, got cancelled weeks before but remained on their whiteboard until indoor dining came back. Instead we got the news that John Prine had died the day before. It’s the only birthday I can remember crying at. But we did establish the tradition, upheld to this day, that birthdays are celebrated by shrimp cocktails, crinkle-cut fries, and chicken wings. Life finds a way.
We’ve tried to move it to a group chat. I tried to set up a group Slack. We are of our generation and we will continue to send group emails.
That whole thing about couples uncoupling and new faces arriving on the scene? Foreshadowing, my friend.
Sorry. Honestly, a worse word than “moist.”
Somewhere between a smaller bay and a bigger sea scallop.
It was what was available. Ordinarily I would have gone for cast iron. Again, foreshadowing.
My default fat was butter, which I remembered at the last moment was definitely not vegan. I used grapeseed, which has a very high smoke point, instead.
As were the other people who I have known for a long, long time (Vincent Price was still alive when I met one of them) and never knew they didn’t like any kind of seafood.
And chest!
Two consecutive issues with very uncomplicated recipes! That has to be a TPC record.
Palm hearts are much more delicate than mushroom stems. They will crumble if handled too roughly.
They have this in common with film editors and audio engineers.
Community Supported Agriculture. In the offseason, we pay Wheelbarrow a lump sum and entitles us to a share of what they produce, every two weeks from May until October. It’s a fantastic deal for us and helps them know they will have a reliable market during the growing season.