60. Tropical Wetter
It's not the meat, it's the humidity.
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It’s been two weeks since we returned from a week in Costa Rica. My very light tan has faded enough that I could risk shaving off my beard without having a pale mask across my face. It was our1 seventh time in the country and our first time back since our last visit in 2020.
We arrived on March 12 that year, just one day after the WHO had declared a global pandemic, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson announced they had COVID, and the NBA shut down its season.2 AKA, the perfect time for a relaxing vacation! Facing so much uncertainty, it was impossible to enjoy ourselves and we made the decision to return to Toronto within a few days.
This visit was much more relaxing,3 in part because of what we’ve learned from previous trips, sometimes the hard way. Because these are often things that don’t come up in online guides and message boards, I thought now would be a good time to share them.4
Let’s start before you’ve even left your home. We have a ziploc bag that we keep all of our leftover foreign currency in. There’s a mix of US dollars and a ha’penny or two, and, as I was very happy to discover before we left, a few hundred dollars of Costa Rican Colones. Perhaps you’ve been there before as well and also have some left over. Take note: if, like us, you last were there before 2021, your money is no longer any good. At least not in stores. In 2021 Costa Rica went from paper to polymer money and the paper can only be exchanged in banks. Scratch that. At one bank: Banco de Costa Rica (BCR), the state-owned commercial bank. I learned this by a) trying to buy something with my old money; b) trusting Google Maps to take me to a town nearby with a bank that definitely did not have a bank; c) trying to exchange it at a different bank, only to learn that without an account, I could only exchange it at BCR; and d) they close at 3:30 on Friday and don’t open again until Monday at 9 and you’re leaving on Tuesday morning.
If you enjoy a tasty cocktail on your vacation, take note. When you arrive in either San Jose (SJO), the capital, or Liberia (LIB), a smaller international airport in the region northwest of SJO, there is a duty-free shop in each airport after you clear immigration but before baggage claim. Because each traveller over 18 is allowed to bring up to 3 litres of liquor with them duty free, these shops have multipack offers that can get you to that limit for very little. For our stay (there were four adults), we picked up a multipack of Bacardi rum for $55. Single bottles5 are still priced very well, but the multipack savings is significant.6
Let’s move ahead to picking up your car rental, which is a shuttle bus ride away. (This really should fall into the “before you leave” category since you’d be somewhat unhinged not to reserve a car in advance.) You’ll read in various guides and property descriptions that you need to have a 4x4/4WD/AWD/SUV in order to get around. You most likely do, but don’t get too fussed about which one of those you’ve reserved.7 They each have slight technical differences8 but as long as it’s not rear- or front-wheel drive, you should be fine. What’s most important is ground clearance because, given the conditions of some roads,9 you will likely need more of it that you have in a regular car. We had a Subaru Crosstrek, basically an Impreza with almost 4” of additional clearance, and had no problems whatsoever.
Also, book an automatic. If you find shifting out of neutral on a hill in your hometown harrowing, imagine what it’s like trying to do it when a drop into the jungle is the only thing behind you.
Car rental insurance can be confusing. If you have insurance coverage with your credit card, bring the certificate of insurance booklet that came with your card. Rental places don’t always ask for it, but I’d hate to be caught without it when they do. If you’ve got credit card coverage, you really only need the SLI liability insurance, which gets you a million dollars of coverage for any damage you do to others or their property. When I was in line to pick up our rental, the guy behind me told me that he declined all insurance and just paid a $3,000 deposit against any damage. I knew I wasn’t going to take his advice even before I saw the back of his ballcap said, “Team Convoy.”
On the road, you’ve got two things to concern yourself with: the first of those is the sun. Because Costa Rica is so close to the equator, the sun sets promptly after 6.10 And because Costa Rica is a fairly unspoiled natural wonderland, there aren’t a lot of lights around. Trying to find your new-to-you vacation rental in the dark is, the steepness and pavedness of the road you’re on will be somewhere between bewildering and terrifying. Depending on what time your flight arrives11 and how far your rental is from the airport, you might consider staying over in either San Jose (there’s a Holiday Inn Express right next to a Denny’s across from SJO) or Liberia and leaving in the morning.
The second thing to concern yourself with is the roads themselves. Researching driving in Costa Rica in the past, I had read many stories of terrible roads that were frequently washed out and impassable. But in all our trips until this year, which we’d spent in Dominical and Uvita, a five-plus hour drive from SJO, my only complaint would be about getting stuck behind a tractor on the many two-lane stretches of highway. Or having to wait for an iguana to stop sunning itself in your lane.12 This year we flew into LIR and our place was only two hours away. Easy peasy lemon squeezy, I figured. And it was, at first. And then:
After an hour and twenty minutes, we turned from the paved road on to a dusty, hardscrabble one, two questions occurred to me. The first was, “Are we sure we’re on the right road?” The second was, “Why does the GPS say it will take us 40 minutes to drive 25 km?” I was used to drives of similar distances taking longer in Costa Rica than they do on Canada’s multilane highways, but this seemed disproportionately long. A good rule of thumb for Costa Rica is: If your GPS says it will take a long time to drive a short distance, you’re in for some wild driving. The rest of the trip was almost all on dirt roads that twisted, turned, climbed, and winded as they meandered towards San Juanillo, our destination. Whenever they dipped into valleys, it was clear they were washed out every rainy season, making it very difficult to maintain a permanently driveable surface. This is where the extra ground clearance comes in helpful. Unless you know the exact location of every upcoming rut, bump, and pothole, you would almost certainly bottom out a regular car.13
Once you’ve arrived at your rental, if there’s anything that appears damaged or out of sorts, take a photo immediately and send it to the property manager. At our most recent place, the property manager went to great pains to tell us that the massive and wonderful screens that allowed most of the kitchen, dining, and living rooms to be open completely, were custom made and very expensive. So we, being considerate and nice guests, did so. But there were a few places where the screens had popped loose or were torn. Not wanting to bother the property manager unnecessarily and assuming he already knew about them, we did nothing. When we arrived home, one of our friends, who had done the booking, got a snippy note from the PM showing damage he alleged we had done to the screens. Fortunately a little pushback from us was all that was needed to get him to back down, but it could have been costly.
Be pest-aware. On our first night in 2020, I was understandably preoccupied with how quickly the pandemic was accelerating and forgot the rule that is drummed into you when you visit Costa Rica: Scorpions exist. So check your shoes and bags and anything you leave on the floor and don’t walk barefoot in the grass. I mindlessly wandered to the edge of the patio, where the lawn begins and almost immediately got stung by one. Fortunately, after administering some Advil and Centenario Añejo rum, it was no worse than a mild bee sting. This time, there were no scorpion stings (although there was one in the bathroom on the first day).
What you don’t know is out there can absolutely kill you. I did manage to catch an extremely mild case of Zika virus, however. It was nothing more than a very, very mild rash on my forearms that really only I noticed. On every previous trip, mosquitos and bug bites have never been a problem at all. Or even a consideration, but our rental was a little lower down the mountain this time and the climate in 2025 is not the climate in 2015-2020, so we’ll be packing bug spray the next time we return.
Chifrijo at Olga’s Beach Bar in Nosara: Pork with chicharrones, avocado, rice, beans, pico de gallo, and fried plantains. So good! OK. It’s a food newsletter and aside from tips on how to get your drank on cheaply, and where the Denny’s is, I haven’t talked about food yet. And I still won’t, but at least I’ll be food adjacent. I’ve written recently about how to equip a vacation rental kitchen, but sadly most property owners haven’t read it. So I choose to travel with my own equipment. Knives, a peeler, a corkscrew, an instant-read thermometer, quality tongs, a fish spatula, and a pepper mill.14 For me, cooking is part of my relaxation, so it’s worth checking a bag to have the things I need to make sure it’s relaxing. Cutting with dull knives and those stupid bent metal tongs definitely aren’t.
At most larger supermarkets in tourist areas, there will be a selection of imported items dairy products. They will probably be brands you have at least a passing familiarity with. There will also be a separate section with the equivalent domestic dairy products from brands like Dos Pinos, whose plant you will drive past as you leave SJO. They are just as good and, more importantly, they are about three times less than Land o’ Lakes. Also, many hot dogs are individually wrapped in plastic. Be sure to check before putting them on the grill.
Finally, another food tip that explains the cryptic (and deliciously/despicably punny) title. There’s really only one word to describe the meat in Costa Rica: wet. It’s all super super wet. The chicken, the steaks, the ground beef. I don’t know how or why. There’s so much that’s different between living and shopping in a major Canadian city and in coastal Costa Rica that I don’t hazard a guess, but I’m sure there are many factors that play a part. But, all the same, the meat is wet and that makes it hard to get things browned and crispy and tasty. And also to stop things from sticking to the grill, which is a problem with wet meat.
For whole muscle cuts like chicken parts or chops, it’s a two-part solution. First, salt your meat as far in advance as you can and set it, uncovered, on a rack in the fridge. This is advisable even if your meat isn’t wet. As I have written previously, the salt initially draws moisture from inside the meat, which is then reabsorbed, drawing seasoning deeper inside. At the same time, the very dry air in the fridge will dry out the surface, making it much easier to brown. For chicken, which unlike a steak needs to be cooked evenly throughout, start cooking at a low temperature. This will allow the centre of the meat to reach doneness without the outside burning. And, just like the fridge, the low temperatures will dry the outsides even more, making for even easier browning. When you’re within about 20 degrees of your target temperature (This is why I bring a thermometer with me.), you can crank the heat to crisp up the outside.
For ground meat, the answer is different. Salting ground meat in advance causes its proteins to denature and cross-link, resulting in a spongy, sausage- or baloney-like texture.15 The solution we hit upon this year was to remove some of the moisture mechanically. We lined a tray with a triple layer of paper towel, spread the ground beef evenly across it, topped it with another triple layer of paper towel and then another tray. Fortunately, we had a bunch of large bottles of Bacardi rum,16 which we could put on top of the second tray to force out some moisture, like you would with tofu. The result: nicely browned burgers that won’t leave half of themselves adhered to the grill.
What I’m Consuming…/What’s on the Menu…
Classic French Bread Loaf
Martin Philip is one of my favourite people to watch on YouTube. I find his videos for King Arthur Baking informative, entertaining, and somehow soothing. The way he uses his hands to handle dough is… at times quite sensuous. I’ve made his classic French bread loaf twice in the last few weeks. Each time it has turned out well, although a dull lame has made for weird oven spring.17 The flavour, helped by an overnight fermentation, is great and, doing the math today, I figured that each loaf costs, factoring in ingredients and energy but not labour,18 about $1.18. A bargain at twice the price!
And if you didn’t get the subtle sales pitch before….
You can order “Elbows Up” t-shirts, sweatshirts, and more at elbows-up-canada.ca!
We travel with another couple and their kids. We call it “Rickles-Newhart-style”
ESPN’s 30 for 30 podcast did a great episode about how the day unfolded. It draws on accounts from journalists who were covering the many stories—and not just sports stories—developing on the day, like Harvey Weinstein’s sentencing, and how it all got thrown into disarray.
The episode takes its format from the equally excellent video episode “June 17th, 1994,” an equally momentous day. (For some reason I can only find a trailer from a New Zealand broadcast that only plays on YouTube.)
JFC! Imagine if it wasn’t!
You know, just as the busy season for sun destinations is winding down and this post will be buried with others by the time you might need it next year.
Lightweight.
Tip 2.1: Pepsi makes a zero-calorie flavoured seltzer called H2Oh! that, especially with a small pinch of salt, makes an excellent mixer. Limonata (lemonade) and Taronja Pink (pink grapefruit) were our favourites.
The caveat being that this is just my opinion and not legally binding advice. Don’t blame me for what are ultimately your poor decisions.
Although good luck finding a clearly worded explanation of those differences!
Foreshadowing.
The time leading up to sunset is like nothing else. Every living thing in the jungle uses the last remaining rays to tell everyone where it is. The amount of wildlife noise at any time of day is significant, but just before sunset it ramps up to another level.
Some years Air Canada gets great landing times that let you get to where you need to go in plenty of time. Other years, they get screwed.
Or, one year, a dog rolling in something that had been run over earlier in the day.
We briefly followed someone driving a low-slung Suzuki Swift who clearly knew where every hazard was. They shook us in no time.
I’ve decided to stop pressing my luck by packing a large ziploc full of kosher salt.
It’s why you should only salt your burgers right before you cook them.
Coming full circle. It’s almost like I planned it, which I didn’t.
According to newsletter consiglieri Chris Frey, this sentence may need some explanation. A lame, pronounced “lahm”, is a very sharp blade (usually a safety razor) used to cut slashes in the top of unbaked loaves to help them expand while baking. That expansion, which happens very rapidly when the bread is first put into the oven, is called oven spring.
Which, based on Q1 of 2025, is worth $0.